Unique awesome coffee (or whatever else) table – $100

Now at a new lower price!

This is like the Clarke Kent of coffee tables… it looks like a normal everyday no-big-deal table, but in an instant it can become something really freaking cool. It won’t stop bullets though, and it can’t fly or lift cars or anything… ok so maybe the Clarke Kent/Superman metaphor is a bit flawed but it’s still a fantastic coffee table.


Because it LIGHTS UP!

You could get it for your frat house, and be all like “Brah, check out this sweet freakin table” and your brahs would be all like “Brah?” and you would be all like “Brahmeisters….” and they would be all like “BRAH!!!!” and you would be the king Brah for scoring such an awesome table.

Or you could buy it for your gentleman’s club, and try it out at one of your Thursday evening scotch tastings, and when Bernard says “I say, that is a tad bright. Might we do something about that?” you could just click it off, cause you and Bernard are cool like that.

Or you could get it for your swanky post-contemporary modernistic condo and at your next fancy cocktail party your friends girlfriends friend who nobody really likes but she gets invited cause she “has good taste in things” will squeel and say “Oh my gaaawwd I love the way this amazing light up table thingy makes my acai-lychee martini light up! I simply MUST HAVE IT!” and you could explode your clothing off and shout “STFUGTFO THIS AWESOME TABLE IS MINE!!!” while you take a crap in her stupid drink and it would be ok cause no-one really likes her and it IS your table.

Or you could just get it and put it in your normal place, and your normal friends will say “Hey, that’s pretty cool.” and hi-fives will be had all around.

The table is made out of solid pine.
measures 35 inches by 30 1/2 inches by 18 inches high.
All the legs are internally re-enforced in two different places with angle brackets.

Am I the only one wondering what “STFUGTFO” means? I mean, I can figure out the S, T, F and U, and I can even figure something for the G, but I am stuck after that…sigh (I hate inside jokes)

My kid’s loss is your gain – Xbox 360 plus games and extras – $250

My kid is a smart-ass slacker. Yeah, that’s why he’s got summer school. But the punk is failing summer school already. I told him, you do shitty in summer school, your Xbox and Wii go bye bye, and I am a man of my word.



An Xbox 360 Pro System with a 60GB hard drive. Still under warranty, less than a year old. Never had a problem with it except that lazy ass spent hours on it. It’s got all the cables, including an HDMI cable to hook up to his snazzy LCD TV (which might be next on craigslist if he doesn’t stop looking over my shoulder and START STUDYING!!!!) It’s got three controllers, one of which has a keypad attachment, There’s also 2 headsets for talking to his other slacker friends.

As for games, I think he hid all his favorites, but what I got was:

Left 4 Dead
Gears of War
and Grand Theft Auto – Liberty City (I admit, I liked playing this one.)

Attached are a picture of all the crap you get, along with a picture of a my kid slowly learning the consequences of his actions.

Price is $250. Why $250? Cause that’s how much the tuition is for Huntington Learning Center for my dullard of a son.

Cash only. I’ll deliver, and I might even bring him along to teach him a lesson.

Two bar stools w 40’s flower print FUCK YES (Price Drop) – $20

I just love this guy’s tactic to sell these bar stools!

Ok there are exactly zero problems with these stools. They work great at a table or counter of bar height or just as some extra seating during a party. They have a sweet print on top. The legs are some kind of black metal, which is sturdy, but they’re also fairly light which should make it very easy for you to carry them out of my apartment. Win-win, really. $20 each.

It’s located on Wythe Avenue between Broadway and South 8th Street in Williamsburg, on the third floor of a walk-up building. Sorry, I can’t deliver it for you.

If you want to peep at my other listings, just search the “for sale” listings for the word collywobbles . I am selling a bunch of stuff because I am moving out of my loft and headed to Austin. I’ll give you a 10% discount if you buy anything else from me.

I am told that sex sells, so I have also included a shot of a naked lady.

Filthy couch – $50

Who would ever thing that this dumpy, old overpriced couch could possibly be wanted by anyone? Well, guess what? Today is your lucky day, because this beauty could be all yours for the paltry sum of $50. It doesn’t have any rips, but it does have some nasty unidentifiable brown and reddish stains along the top, as if some greasy haired maggot-infested, dope smoking FM type had spent several years lounging on it while smoking hash in his bong.

It would make for a perfect chillin’ couch for your front porch of your double-wide, or the back of your pick up. It had a heavy wood frame so you could probably bolt your 10 HP Evinrude to the armrest, load up your steelhead fishing supplies, and launch it down the Stillaguamish River.

My kids have spilled virtually every color of Kool-Aid and Popsicle on it, not to mention every kind of sticky, chewy candy you can imagine – Lollipops, Dum Dums, gum, Tootsie Rolls, and my step son slept on it every other weekend, so one arm rest smells much worse than the other. I would recommend mounting the Evinrude on the other end because the grease from his nasty hair probably would make it slippery, and so it would probably fall off.

My brother and sister-in-law slept on it a few times. It’s HUGE, and used to be very comfortable. That is until, my step-son, Lumpy, started sleeping on it. Now it has a big dip in the middle, ironically right where his ASS would be when he sleeps.

I haven’t checked between the cushions, but you are welcome to keep whatever treasures you discover – possibly a few pop bottle caps, a feww cookies, some marshmallows, possibly even a few surprises from one of the three dogs who have alternately made this filthy, nasty couch their home over the past several years. Hell, there’s probably enough Legos to keep your kids entertained for a while.

It comes with four matching cushions, which each have their share of stains. Oh, did I mention that each dog has left his mark in his or her own unique way, not least of which is hair that is virtually impossible to remove.

I would have included some pictures, but was afraid if you saw just how nasty it was, you wouldn’t be interested. Besides, you really have to see this thing in person to appreciate it’s inner beauty.

We have vacuumed it. We have rented a steam cleaner from Safeway. I borrowed my parents steam cleaner. I hired a professional to clean it. Nothing would touch these stains.

Basically, it is what it is. I don’t want to post my address because I don’t want to cause a riot early tomorrow morning. You’ll just have to send an email, and get in line.


1000 words = a picture

1 Luongo-Hating Friend – $20

I am selling my Roberto Luongo-hating friend for 20 bucks or your best offer. This ex-South African offers great insights into the sports of rugby and cricket. He is always willing to go to the golf course and is very knowledgeable about almost any subject. That is any subject but goaltending. His constant blame of Roberto Luongo for the Canucks’ woes has lead me to begin a new search for a hockey watching buddy for the 2010-11 season.

His only other flaw is that he may accuse you of cheating when you beat him at Mario Olympics and ordering hot wings during dessert is a big no-no around him (something about the smell).

I have a South African rugby-loving friend too…but all he can say about Luongo is…”Do you know how much that guy makes?”

Partially eaten brunch from The Diner in Meatpacking – $5

When times are tough like this why go tossing around $10 like a millionaire on a brand new breakfast when there is a perfectly good partially eaten plate right here? I tried to sell it to few people sitting around me, but they are all stuck up a-holes who gave me attitude. Their bad attitude has already been factored into the price so don’t try to lowball me. Also, don’t ask for a sample bite – I’m not an idiot. I’ve sold food before so I know the tricks.

All of the following are included in this sale:
– 1 full strip of bacon and one partially eaten piece of bacon
– 1 half slice of toast. It doesn’t have butter on it, but I will butter it as long as this place doesn’t charge me for butter. If they do charge then you will need to pay for it. I don’t have enough profit in this deal to start throwing in free butter. I’m practically giving this away as it is.
– A few pieces of potato
– Partially eaten sausage (there is also a small piece of sausage I choked on but that’s wrapped in a napkin and not included in the sale. I don’t want to attract any weirdos)
– Egg scraps. I would day “pieces” but I’d rather be honest so that when people show up to evaluate the plate they aren’t misled because it’s not really pieces of egg. It’s more like egg shrapnel. I ate kind of quick and there were egg chunks flying everywhere. Basically you get the chunks that escaped.

There is also still some juice from the egg. I know there is another word for “egg juice” but I can’t think of it right now – I’m not some kind of egg expert. I’m just a guy who ate enough and is looking for some extra cash. You know what I’m talking about.

If you come soon I will include one water, the plastic cup of ketchup and a full piece of toast in the second picture. That piece of toast isn’t mine but I don’t think she’s going to eat it. Those things across the table are boobs. Those are not included in the price.

If there is a line of buyers when you get here please be patient.

breakfast 1breakfast 2

NEW Boys Fart-O-Meter Costume – $20

We have a brand new still in package halloween costume from spirit. It is a Boys L/XL Fart-O-Meter Costume. I bought it for my son but he wanted to be something scary instead of something funny. This costume is hilarious. It has a cone to “capture” the farts, a gas mask to for protection of fart, & a gauge on the front to rate the fart. Asking $20 0b0. It retails for $35+tax. We are in the spanaway/parkland area.

Please call/email for questions.

Thank you!

Is this something kids want to dress up as for Halloween? Or is this a case of “Parents gone wrong”? Like really…I mean, yes, I think we all did the super embarrassing “Two headed Monster” (ie. a sheet covering me and my best friend), or even a “Mime” (I perfected walking against the wind), but a Fart-O-Meter?

This costume is just a huge excuse for other kids to make fun of you the day following Halloween. Of course…pair it with this and now you have a great superhero!



WOW!!! I never thought this day would come! The amazing boockshelf is up for sale today!! What is so amazing about this bookshelf?? well let me tell ya! It was painted by the talented Michelangelo! Yes, that’s right. My friend mike painted this bookshelf white! wow!
think that’s too much to handle already? well,’the amazing bookshelf isn’t done with you yet! It is so amazing that it has FOUR shelves for you to put your books in, your dvds, your cds, your videogames, your collection of animated cartoon character mini replicas that your girlfriend says can’t be in the bedroom anymore because they’re too creepy!! WOW!
Aaaaaaaaaand…JUST IN TIME FOR EASTER! If you call now, cause I can’t sell this all day, I’ll throw in the PINK EASTER BUNNY on top of the bookshelf! Look at him in the picture! He’s an easterbunny that sings and dances!! FTW!!!
Amazing bookshelves are usually worth up to 5 MILLION DOLLARS! but if you call or email now, you can have this for one low payment of 10 Dollars! OMG
Call Now!
*Books and scooba gear not included. Kitten Sold Seperatly

What about my collection of dryer lint that looks like past Canadian Prime Ministers? Can I store that on this bookshelf?

Amazing Bookshelf