My kid’s loss is your gain – Xbox 360 plus games and extras – $250

My kid is a smart-ass slacker. Yeah, that’s why he’s got summer school. But the punk is failing summer school already. I told him, you do shitty in summer school, your Xbox and Wii go bye bye, and I am a man of my word.



An Xbox 360 Pro System with a 60GB hard drive. Still under warranty, less than a year old. Never had a problem with it except that lazy ass spent hours on it. It’s got all the cables, including an HDMI cable to hook up to his snazzy LCD TV (which might be next on craigslist if he doesn’t stop looking over my shoulder and START STUDYING!!!!) It’s got three controllers, one of which has a keypad attachment, There’s also 2 headsets for talking to his other slacker friends.

As for games, I think he hid all his favorites, but what I got was:

Left 4 Dead
Gears of War
and Grand Theft Auto – Liberty City (I admit, I liked playing this one.)

Attached are a picture of all the crap you get, along with a picture of a my kid slowly learning the consequences of his actions.

Price is $250. Why $250? Cause that’s how much the tuition is for Huntington Learning Center for my dullard of a son.

Cash only. I’ll deliver, and I might even bring him along to teach him a lesson.

Two bar stools w 40’s flower print FUCK YES (Price Drop) – $20

I just love this guy’s tactic to sell these bar stools!

Ok there are exactly zero problems with these stools. They work great at a table or counter of bar height or just as some extra seating during a party. They have a sweet print on top. The legs are some kind of black metal, which is sturdy, but they’re also fairly light which should make it very easy for you to carry them out of my apartment. Win-win, really. $20 each.

It’s located on Wythe Avenue between Broadway and South 8th Street in Williamsburg, on the third floor of a walk-up building. Sorry, I can’t deliver it for you.

If you want to peep at my other listings, just search the “for sale” listings for the word collywobbles . I am selling a bunch of stuff because I am moving out of my loft and headed to Austin. I’ll give you a 10% discount if you buy anything else from me.

I am told that sex sells, so I have also included a shot of a naked lady.

Filthy couch – $50

Who would ever thing that this dumpy, old overpriced couch could possibly be wanted by anyone? Well, guess what? Today is your lucky day, because this beauty could be all yours for the paltry sum of $50. It doesn’t have any rips, but it does have some nasty unidentifiable brown and reddish stains along the top, as if some greasy haired maggot-infested, dope smoking FM type had spent several years lounging on it while smoking hash in his bong.

It would make for a perfect chillin’ couch for your front porch of your double-wide, or the back of your pick up. It had a heavy wood frame so you could probably bolt your 10 HP Evinrude to the armrest, load up your steelhead fishing supplies, and launch it down the Stillaguamish River.

My kids have spilled virtually every color of Kool-Aid and Popsicle on it, not to mention every kind of sticky, chewy candy you can imagine – Lollipops, Dum Dums, gum, Tootsie Rolls, and my step son slept on it every other weekend, so one arm rest smells much worse than the other. I would recommend mounting the Evinrude on the other end because the grease from his nasty hair probably would make it slippery, and so it would probably fall off.

My brother and sister-in-law slept on it a few times. It’s HUGE, and used to be very comfortable. That is until, my step-son, Lumpy, started sleeping on it. Now it has a big dip in the middle, ironically right where his ASS would be when he sleeps.

I haven’t checked between the cushions, but you are welcome to keep whatever treasures you discover – possibly a few pop bottle caps, a feww cookies, some marshmallows, possibly even a few surprises from one of the three dogs who have alternately made this filthy, nasty couch their home over the past several years. Hell, there’s probably enough Legos to keep your kids entertained for a while.

It comes with four matching cushions, which each have their share of stains. Oh, did I mention that each dog has left his mark in his or her own unique way, not least of which is hair that is virtually impossible to remove.

I would have included some pictures, but was afraid if you saw just how nasty it was, you wouldn’t be interested. Besides, you really have to see this thing in person to appreciate it’s inner beauty.

We have vacuumed it. We have rented a steam cleaner from Safeway. I borrowed my parents steam cleaner. I hired a professional to clean it. Nothing would touch these stains.

Basically, it is what it is. I don’t want to post my address because I don’t want to cause a riot early tomorrow morning. You’ll just have to send an email, and get in line.


1000 words = a picture

CIL 3000 Vintage Rangefinder Camera – Obscure

Looking for that perfect accessory to complement your original style? Plaid shirts, ironic bandanas and pencil moustaches are so early 2010. What you need is an artsy look that makes you look interesting and deep. Your friends can all play Velvet Underground covers on their autoharps and paint nonsensical geometrical shapes, but what can you do? You need something to make you look like the troubled artist you know you are inside.

You need this camera.

The CIL 3000 camera is a camera that comprises three important features that you want: It is vintage, boxy, and made by a manufacturer so obscure that everyone will marvel at your eccentricity of owning it. Think about what a conversational piece it will be at parties when you obnoxiously practice your art in other people’s faces, and hip, attractive people will be forced to converse with you. This camera will probably get you laid. Actually, it will get you laid, and by the prettiest most asymetrically-haired hipster girl in the room. I don’t even know what kind of film it takes, but I’m sure it’s something really obscure and difficult to find. Comes with a well-worn vintage leather case.

Oh, and the camera doesn’t work.

CIL camera 1
CIL camera 2
CIL camera 3
CIL camera 4
CIL camera 5


If u are interested in the position call M. Gillis at 604-LUS-UCKS

Only experience needed is to be able to stop a beach ball.

You can also contact the same number if your looking for a goalie who gets payed 7.5 M and cant be a captain for shit.

Will trade for a old jock strap and a bag of pucks

Gees…it seems like this is a theme, check this one out

Goalie will play for pasta, hair gel and $7.5 M

Sulking, belligerent and grossly over-rated goaltender who can’t stop a beach ball, seeks new gig.

I promise to be the same self-absorbed bad team guy I have always been.

Pay me my $7.5 M annual salary no matter how bad I play.

I will be golfing tomorrow and every day for quite some time.

You can still reach me on my hotline: Louie 1-555-SUCK .

Sorry Canucks fans…but this ad says it all.

1 Luongo-Hating Friend – $20

I am selling my Roberto Luongo-hating friend for 20 bucks or your best offer. This ex-South African offers great insights into the sports of rugby and cricket. He is always willing to go to the golf course and is very knowledgeable about almost any subject. That is any subject but goaltending. His constant blame of Roberto Luongo for the Canucks’ woes has lead me to begin a new search for a hockey watching buddy for the 2010-11 season.

His only other flaw is that he may accuse you of cheating when you beat him at Mario Olympics and ordering hot wings during dessert is a big no-no around him (something about the smell).

I have a South African rugby-loving friend too…but all he can say about Luongo is…”Do you know how much that guy makes?”

Partially eaten brunch from The Diner in Meatpacking – $5

When times are tough like this why go tossing around $10 like a millionaire on a brand new breakfast when there is a perfectly good partially eaten plate right here? I tried to sell it to few people sitting around me, but they are all stuck up a-holes who gave me attitude. Their bad attitude has already been factored into the price so don’t try to lowball me. Also, don’t ask for a sample bite – I’m not an idiot. I’ve sold food before so I know the tricks.

All of the following are included in this sale:
– 1 full strip of bacon and one partially eaten piece of bacon
– 1 half slice of toast. It doesn’t have butter on it, but I will butter it as long as this place doesn’t charge me for butter. If they do charge then you will need to pay for it. I don’t have enough profit in this deal to start throwing in free butter. I’m practically giving this away as it is.
– A few pieces of potato
– Partially eaten sausage (there is also a small piece of sausage I choked on but that’s wrapped in a napkin and not included in the sale. I don’t want to attract any weirdos)
– Egg scraps. I would day “pieces” but I’d rather be honest so that when people show up to evaluate the plate they aren’t misled because it’s not really pieces of egg. It’s more like egg shrapnel. I ate kind of quick and there were egg chunks flying everywhere. Basically you get the chunks that escaped.

There is also still some juice from the egg. I know there is another word for “egg juice” but I can’t think of it right now – I’m not some kind of egg expert. I’m just a guy who ate enough and is looking for some extra cash. You know what I’m talking about.

If you come soon I will include one water, the plastic cup of ketchup and a full piece of toast in the second picture. That piece of toast isn’t mine but I don’t think she’s going to eat it. Those things across the table are boobs. Those are not included in the price.

If there is a line of buyers when you get here please be patient.

breakfast 1breakfast 2